“Ya know what? I’m really looking forward to a new start. A fresh beginning. I just need something, one thing is all. It must go right!”.
“I’m an hour late? My appointment was at 8? Oh crap.”
“Don’t worry about it hun,” says the phlebotomist, ” it’s always slow the week between Christmas and New Years” She may be right. But I hate, hate being late. Arriving at 8:45 for my NOT 9:00 but 8:00 appointment was totally unacceptable.
Thankfully I got worked into the schedule.
I alone seemed to be the only one who was unhappy about my tardiness. I did apologize to every person I encountered on the way to the exam room. SW and I were here to see my medical oncologist and Andi, my awesome nurse, eager to hear the latest brain MRI and chest CT results. Was brain surgery officially off the the table for now? Has the most recent flare of brain swelling been sufficiently managed by the steroid?
5-seconds into the appointment Dr C managed to cover: hand shakes, Merry Christmases, your scans look good, no brain surgery for now, and predictions on making it until midnight on New Years Eve. The important stuff.
It happened! The good news. The one thing I needed to turn it all around. The most perfect I am so totally pleased smile formed on my face. A quick 45-degree turn to my right, enough to make eye contact with SW and to see we were wearing matching smiles. Attention back to the speaking doctor.
“I’m going to a New Year’s Party now!”
We were safely home by 1:00am on the 1st. A few hours later I barely made it to the bathroom. My legs would hardly work. By 4:00am my legs were throbbing, the bulk of the pain focused around my knees. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I could barely eek out “Spencer, will you help me?”
The joint pain I had been experiencing on my steroid was haunting me at many times the intensity. Packages of frozen veggies were placed on the underside of both legs. It was alarming when I could not lift them on my own. SW had to lift and lower back down each leg. Once sufficiently numb by a combination of ice and pain killers I drifted back to sleep.
I’m still waiting to begin my “new beginning”. It seems almost silly now. I had some wonderful – new beginning – worthy news and did not celebrate it. I instead waited for New Years Day and had a horrible down turn the early hours of the 1st that I am still waiting to be resolved. Could I be stuck in a dark comedy? The Twilight Zone? Twin Peaks?