Simple Questions

There I am talking to strangers about personal details. What in the world am I doing? How did I get here? The words are just rolling off my tongue. Am I making any sense? Am I taking the audience down a path that actually leads to something? I stop talking when I hope I have come to some kind of a conclusion. The next question is asked.

As I discuss my journey, vivid memories pop into my head. Some good. Some disastrous. Many dark, tragic. Lost in my autopilot-rambling-mode, I don’t skip a beat while the recall slideshow takes place. I choose to share my story with the objective that something I say will click with someone. Perhaps I will find that needle in the haystack this time around.

Exhausted from the day; nestled up to my warm husband and leg-room hogging cat, Yam, the mind begins to process. The slideshow involuntarily replays, it is unstoppable.

The clips are nonsensical. Why is this happening? Me, dentist, and X-rays in a room. “Listen, I’m playing the short game here, if this is potentially going to bother me in a few years, I’m not doing it.” “I’m interested in getting a copy of the document that states my student loans are dissolved when I die; my lawyer needs the document for my estate plan.” Stop please. “What is the reason for adding your husband’s name to the electric account Ms. Wieneke?” “Welcome back! So, you’re in remission now?” Two Tylenol PM and a chaser of water, now.

I sleep hard. Evidence is left at one corner of my mouth. AM arrives and I stagger to get my caffeine fix. Warm cup of joe in my grip, eyes widen, hint of a smile appears, Nina Simone singing comes to mind.  …And I’m feeling good….

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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5 Responses to Simple Questions

  1. Holly Pruett says:

    Wow, what a powerful glimpse inside the roller coaster. Thank you dear Kim.

  2. matissebradford says:

    Powerful indeed. I miss you KIm.

  3. Marika says:

    Hi Kim,
    First of all, thank you for sharing your story and inspirational thoughts like the post above. After following your blog for some time now, I wonder if there is an email address at which I could contact you?

    My name is Marika, and I work in a healthcare innovation group working on developing services to aid lung cancer survivors and improve their care (mostly focusing on targeted therapies).
    I would love to speak further with you about our project, what we’re hoping to accomplish, and possibly get your input on our ideas.
    Is that something you think you’d be interested in?
    If so, please shoot me an email and I can tell you more.

    Sending you all my best wishes,
    Marika

    • kimmywink says:

      Hi Marika, I’m sure if you contact some Lung Cancer Advocacy groups they would be able to help you out far better than I would. My favorite is LUNGevity.

      • Marika says:

        Dear Kim,
        thank you so much for your reply.
        We have been in touch with several advocacy groups, LUNGevity included, who have been very helpful. I just wanted to reach out to you directly as well 🙂
        Thanks again, I appreciate your advice!
        Best wishes,
        Marika

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