Four Zaps Remain

My daily brain zaps will stop on Friday at 4:00.  At that time, I will have completed 14 total.

I’m hesitant to state, “It’s not so bad”.  The peak of discomfort is anticipated to hit two-weeks after my last zap.  For the most part, much of my current discomfort is well managed with drugs.  Yay for that!

As far as what to expect in my “two-week peak” I’ve got not-a-clue.  Last time, during concurrent chemo-radiation, I got pneumonia and was hospitalized during this phase. This time, having the ability to eat and drink, I feel my body is better positioned for success.  I’m going in with eyes wide open and zero expectations.  To alleviate stress during this peak, Ray + Tina, one set of SW’s parents, will be staying with me.  SW is scheduled to be out-of-town for work that same week.  What timing?!  I am confident they will be able to care for me, at any level I happen to be at.  Priceless.

I am expecting to have a follow-up brain MRI 12-weeks after I finish WBR.  This will tell me and my docs if the goal (getting rid of any brain spots) was achieved.  Of course, I want this to be the case.

I’m still processing what is going on in my head – literally.  Last night, while snuggled in bed with SW, 2 cats, and a laptop on Hulu, I began to cry.  I’m not ready to watch cancer take over my body.  Yet, as treatment options are exhausted I must acknowledge and accept the path I am on.  Life is quite heavy again, good thing I’ve got a running list of local bakeries I want to try out to lighten things up!

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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20 Responses to Four Zaps Remain

  1. Gail says:

    Hi there and we’ll done on the zaps! What has been main side effects? I think the brain zapping is something we all fear, so this must have been a very scary time for you. 12 weeks is a long time to wait for MRI. What treatment are you on for this period, other than bakery items? Chocolate eclair?


    • kimmywink says:

      Hello Gail,

      The biggest side effect I can’t manage is fatigue. It’s difficult to associate it all with WBR though. I’m under lots of pressure, which crushes my energy. I’m also on steroids, Decadron, and unable to sleep a full night. I’m on Zofran and have zero nausea (or vomiting) now. My head/hair is falling out today- clippers are going to my head tonight.
      Honestly, it’s not all that bad. I really REALLY hope it stays this way. If it does, I’ll openly advertise that WBR was very doable for me. Surprisingly so after hearing what people say about it online.
      Waiting 12-weeks is going to suck. 🙂
      My team is looking into getting me on the LDK378 trial in Seattle, WA. It’s really premature to discuss…but since you asked, I’m telling. I stopped taking Crizotinib on the evening of February 14th. I’m eager to get back on the targeted therapy/chemo wagon.

      Now I want a chocolate eclair!


  2. Mark Hawkins says:

    Kim: Four more to go! I am glad your current discomfort is handled by drugs. Hopefully the change in meds will calm your possible two week peak discomfort. I know this isn’t an exact science, but others have traveled this road before and you get the benefit of their trials. Eat, drink, rest and know that we are all sending positive thoughts your way! Yep, chocolate can’t hurt either! Love, Mark H.

    • kimmywink says:

      The chocolate thing is new. I never liked it until I went through chemotherapy. Now, I’m a big fan! …of the good stuff. Salted carmel and cheesecake still rank off the chart.

  3. You really have alot on your plate, and crying does help sometimes. Last night I said to Kenny, I wish I just had a bad cold and that I would be getting over it soon. I’m sorry about your hair. Prayers always.

    • gwendolyn says:

      I second what Melanie and Mark said – lots and lots of love and prayers AND positive thoughts your way, hugs, gwendolyn

      • kimmywink says:

        Thanks Melanie and Gwendolyn,
        This AM I am feeling much more positive. I finally got a good night of sleep. Down times happen. It’s nice to move through them.

  4. gwendolyn says:

    When I was in college we had this thing this annual event called primal scream which we did after exams. i hear its done routinely at colleges like harvard etc too. I do it now when I am on the subway when the train is pulling into the subway and no one can hear you yelling. it helps relieve tension. if you can find a place to do such a thing really helps 🙂

  5. Jessica says:

    I’m not sure we will ever be ready. But I hope that with each treatment that goes by, we may find more and more peace with who we are and where we stand. xo

  6. Diane Fink says:

    Stay positive, and a cry is good for the soul, so happy Ray & Tina will be able to visit and yes the timeing is perfect. I am sure SW will miss you, but knowing you have them with you will be comforting. Love and prayers from North Carolina.

    • kimmywink says:

      Thank you North Carolina! I’m patiently waiting for their arrival…well, not all that patiently. I’m ready now!
      Hopefully the time away will be good for SW. A week in Vegas is as opposite as you can get from our every day life. New perspectives can cause discomfort but are beneficial in the long run.

  7. Patrick says:

    Kim, thank you for making the time to share.

  8. julie durkheimer says:

    Hi Kim,
    I periodically check to see how you are doing and I am sorry that you are having to go through more treatment but my hopes and prayers are that it will be well worth all that you are enduring.
    As I look at the morning radiance as the day is bright with sunshine, I am hopeful that you are savoring this moment of beauty and allowing it to fill you with strength. My love to you today and always and I am holding you in my heart,
    Julie from Mindfulness Class

    • kimmywink says:

      Great to hear from you Julie.
      My morning was great. Went to Amrita for some morning yoga- LOVE IT!
      Thanks for checking on me; it means so very much.

      xo Kim

  9. A few new bakeries that I’ve just discovered and my favorites there:
    Nuvrei (tie between the cinnamon danish and the almont croissant)
    Bakeshop (figgy buckwheat)

    Me and chocolate don’t get along (headaches), but all of these have amazing looking chocolate options.

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