I don’t know what it was about yesterday but I woke up mad. I was angry at cancer. Furious, actually.
I was not feeling worse than any other day. My anger was not directed to what cancer has done to me. I was mad at what it’s done to my cancer posse, friends I have made in person and online.
It was as if I had forgotten that those of us with Stage 4 lung cancer are incurable. They, or we, seem so fine and can be for months and months. Then, what I guess is like getting hit in the face with a brick, you learn of resistance to treatment and new growth. It seems like a shock. Similar to the initial diagnosis, but only at first. Then you remember. Yes, this is incurable. The goal is to turn this into a chronic problem for years not months.
I pried my body out of bed. Took a hot shower and layered up when I got out. I was determined, today I would ride my bike to my appointments. It was pretty chilly (but no where near the temps in Wisconsin or NYC!). Although, not much can hold back a stubborn person who feels like they are on death row.
It felt good to ride. I did it for my friends who can’t. I did it for myself. Mostly, though, I did it to say, “Screw you cancer.”
Share your anger! I read on the various forums about how well some of us are doing, and then there will be posts about how quickly things deteriorate, and suddenly people are gone. It can go to shit so fast! And leaves the lingering question, when will this be me. Going camping at a folk festival for the next 4 days so stuff you cancer!
Enjoy the folk festival Gail!
Bravo! You go, girl.
Thanks Sally. 🙂
I love it!! You go with your furious warrior self! XOXOXO
Some days it seems like the only fitting response to life. Hope your having a great time with family and The Golden’s!
I agree… Fuck you Cancer!
Exactly. My parents read this so I can’t write the F-bomb. 🙂
i hope you feel ok today – still furious of course with how unfair this all is, but still ready to take on the day FULLY.
The week got hectic towards the end but manageable. I’m sure you understand… Now I am off to a retreat for the weekend. It will be lovely!
totally understand 🙂
good to hear that it was that – manageable that is.
Remind me to stay on your good side! We have all heard that “Life is not fair.” again and again. The events of the past 7 years have driven that home for me! Make each day count, cause you never know. Luv u. Mark H.
Mark, You and your lovely L are always on my good side. Take good care.
Kim, I love your strength and spirit! xxoo
Sent from my iPhone
Thank you Jamie. I think we might be quite similar.
Hell yes – be pissed! Cancer is crap. One of your many strengths is saying FU and riding your bike around YOUR life.
Besides, you kinda cute when you’re mad. Scary, but kinda cute.
Cute?! Shoot…I’m going for ferocious. Maybe I need to try harder. Enjoy your weekend Ms Tammy.