Take what you can, Give nothing back

Several days ago, while hanging with some cancer friends, a woman proclaimed, “I don’t let cancer take things away from me.”

Huh.  Cancer sure has taken from me I thought.  Loads of things.   I don’t let it.  I didn’t give my things away.  Cancer is just a big bully.

Having advanced cancer in your mid-thirties comes with lots of loosing without giving. Cancer has taken my ability to work a job I loved.  It’s taken my ability to exercise with friends.  It’s taken my ability to have children.

The most devastating is that cancer has taken my ability to think that life always works out for the better.  I suppose I was fortunate to have this total optimism until age 34. Still, I hate cancer for taking this from me.

Cancer does its taking at will.  I suppose what we give it, voluntarily, is a more important thing to recognize.

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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2 Responses to Take what you can, Give nothing back

  1. Ruth Ashton says:

    Thank you so much for your honesty here.

    I’m in the stage IV lung cancer boat with you and I get really tired of people who are either “gonna beat this cancer” (because let’s be honest, at stage IV, they probably won’t) or who are super duper positive and claim that cancer is a gift. Really? Who, when asked what they want for birthdays or Christmas says, “I’d like stage IV lung cancer, please.”

    Keep makin’ it plain, sister.

    • kimmywink says:

      Thank you for the compliments, Ruth. I try to be honest which includes the positive and negative thoughts that roll in and out of my brain. I’m glad it works for you.

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