I’m a fan of direct- to the point communication.   When people ask a question, I give them my answer.  Thankfully, softening responses came with age.

During calm parts of my day I have been revisiting the reactions I get from people when I talk about my cancer and how it impacts my life.

The other day some friends were discussing turning 40.  I blurted out, “Man, I so badly want to live to 40.  If I do, I’m having one kick ass party!”  It is the honest truth.  Living 6 years with advanced lung cancer is quite an accomplishment- I’m going to be thrilled if/when it happens.

The eyes and head tilt I get in response clearly tell me, “Oh Kim, don’t talk like that….you’re going to be 40.  Stop it.”

I feel isolated from the well people in the world.  If I am expected to modify what I say to people I will only feel more isolated.

I am not going for shock value.  People often express their hopes and dreams to others like, “Gosh, I really want that new Audi S5 Convertible.”  My hope and dream is simply to live 5 or more years.

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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6 Responses to Reactions

  1. Alison says:

    I want to be at that kick ass party. And it selfishly helps me deal with my 35 year old friend having advanced lung cancer to assume that you will make it to 40. And I’d never want you to change how you communicate about your feelings, hopes, and fears. Love you.

  2. dkcaselton says:

    It is probably hard for your friends to think about your reality. Of course everyone wants to think positive and not think about the fact that you might not make it that long. So in that respect, don’t wait to have that 40th birthday celebration. Every one of your birthdays should be a huge celebration. Actually every day is a blessing still having you here, so we should celebrate that. You are an amazing human being and I celebrate your strength and bravery and even getting to be a small part in your life. Continue to be you. No compromises.

  3. curt o says:

    Kim please add me to the invite list for your 40th birthday party. If you ever want a walking partner Monday thru Friday Im avaiable

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