I’m a Planner

It’s the honest truth.  I love to plan things.  I love it when things go according to plan.  I can do spontaneous, how SW likes to roll.  But, I really enjoy the planning process.  I do my planning old school, with pen and ink- even though I love my iPhone.

Ah, life.  It has clearly told me that you can wish and strive for things (plan them) however without notice you can be forced to take another path.  Perhaps even an unpleasant one.

With this new understanding of how life is, I’m struggling with how to plan my future.  I want so very badly to live to be 85.  Yet, reading the statistics on lung cancer survival, not many of us make it past the 5 year mark.

I cautiously plan or more so accept, that I can die from my lung cancer within the next 4 years.  This is not giving in to my cancer by any stretch of the imagination.  It is just understanding and accepting my situation.  I have to have plans for this as it may happen.

The way things worked out for me I ended up with 3 different retirement accounts.  Two of them I can begin drawing on at age 65.  I giggle when I read the literature for them.  I would love to make it 30 years with advanced lung cancer but I can’t help but plan that this money will be left to SW.  The third account is a 457, like a 401K for government employees.  Without paying any penalties, I can cash out all the money now.

Instead of focusing on planning for my uncertain future, I am going to focus on the now. I’ve made a decision to cash out my 457 account and have some fun.  SW and I have things we’ve planned and now it is time to do them.  (I hear her…yup, she is singing!)

I constantly see people make decisions that are focused on the distant future.  I did this a majority of the time.  Let me remind you that the future you have in your head may never come.

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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10 Responses to I’m a Planner

  1. Melanie says:

    I think it is a great idea. There are no guarantees, whether or not we have advanced lung cancer. It’s all in God’s hands anyway. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Indeed on that last sentence!) Matthew 6:34

    • kimmywink says:

      Thanks for being supportive. I feel at times like I am just winging-it and have no clue what is the right direction to go. This feels right….it is confirmed when others in similar shoes show support. So, thank you!

  2. Melanie says:

    P.S. The radiation is kicking my butt. And I thought I was tired with chemo!

  3. Mark Hawkins says:

    Kim: Planning for the future, no matter how long it may be, is good … living for the now is even better! Do the things you and SW have wanted to do and take us along for the ride! Plan and check things off the list as you accomplish them. I can’t wait to read about your fun, or better yet hearing it first hand from you over a brew or blueberry cobbler.

    More positive thoughts your way! Mark Hawkins

  4. Melanie says:

    http://www.jsonline.com/features/health/nonsmoking-women-fight-lung-cancer-worries-ag5blvf-152358845.html Thought you might like to read this, it was in our local newspaper yesterday.

    • kimmywink says:

      Thanks for sharing. To be honest, I thought only smokers got lung cancer. I was convinced with my diagnosis everyone would know I had those cigarettes at college parties. I was way off!

  5. linnea11 says:

    Kimmy (Kim?), I did the same thing–made arrangements to get my retirement fund now. Let’s just call it retirement fun, huh? “One today is worth two tomorrows.” From Benjamin Franklin…

    Best,
    Linnea

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