It felt like I hit rock bottom last weekend, which came as a shock to me. I’ve really been quite strong through all of this hell but no so much lately. I’m glad I hit the very bottom though….the only place left to go is up. Sorry to Jennifer, John, Kelly & Richard who got to visit me in my dreaded state!
Last Monday was a difficult day but a turning point none the less. I studied every possible option and angle to see if going out of disability was at all possible for me. At the end of the day I decided it was not, unless I could accept that we would need to sell our house and rent an apartment for half the price. I’m not ready to do that. No matter what happens to me I want SW to have our house.
I do know that the road I’m on may eventually lead me to going out on disability. If/when that happens we will make it work AND stay in our house. I’ve got options that include cashing in my retirement accounts that will cover my high cost medical bills for a few years. But, not knowing how long I’ve got on this journey means putting off disability as long as I can.
Going to work on Tuesday was different than the 8 weeks before. I had finally accepted that I need to work and make the best of it. Each day got a little bit easier and better. I started to participate in meetings at work and actually accomplished a few things!
I had the day off work on Friday but kept things rolling in a positive way. I went on a 5 mile walk with my dear friend Tracy AND managed to go out to listen to music until 10:00 pm. (That’s HUGE…normally I’m asleep at 7:30 pm!!!)
The rest of the weekend was nice but it certainly had it’s ups and downs.
Next week I’ll be going to a new young adult cancer survivor group meeting. I’m hoping to meet a person my age with metastasized cancer.