Tomorrow I start working full time. I’m very nervous about it.
I’d really like to work part time but the truth is we just can’t afford it. It stinks but really how many families can afford to have one person all of a sudden earn half as much? For us it would also mean paying out of pocket for my $700 month insurance costs which REALLY puts a damper on things.
I am physically well enough to work right now so I got to do it. When the time comes that I’m not able to work I’ll be extra glad I saved up as much money as possible.
I have decided that the real world is not really suitable for people with terminal illnesses to actively participate in it. I’m going to do my best to change that in my usual semi-delicate style by saying something to the offenders.
I over hear some of the simplest conversations that would crush a person like me if they were not masters at maintaining emotional control. People talking about how glad they are since they decided to have children because now someone will take care of them as they age. I selfishly thought to myself, I hope my mom gets that from me; never mind the fact that I can’t have children now.
I also hear people often referring to things they want to do before they die. Really. Do they add the last bit “before I die” for dramatic effect? It’s quite silly. I am forced to live every day like I am going to die the next. Well…. I suppose it would be more appropriate for me to say I live life like it can go pear shaped in 3 months. In that 3 months never would I dream of going to the pyramids, Bali, or Africa. I would surround myself by the same friends and family that I spend time with now. With the addition of the east coasters…you would all need to fly out to see me.
I’m not exactly sure if I need to verbally point out to people the stupidity of their comments. I notice with people seeing me as they speak they become acutely aware of what they are saying and how I may interpret it. This is a good thing.
Truth is you can’t educate people about how precious life really is. It is just something you learn when life really makes a turn for the worse.
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