What do you do for fun?

I was asked the question “what do you do for fun?” yesterday while hanging out with a friend. It was a question that I have not been asked during this “cancer treatment phase of my life”.

My first internal thoughts were…
What do I do for fun? Fun…fun…fun… But, I’m not having any fun? Do people think I have time for having fun? I want my old life back.  None of this is fun.  Having cancer sucks and choosing to get rid of your cancer sucks even more.

What I said out loud was similar to…
I don’t really have time or energy for fun. I spend all my limited energy on activities directly related to eating, sleeping, walking, and healing. I listed off the following few examples: (either in my head or out loud- chemo brain does not always know the difference.)

  1. My chest & back are so dry & burnt I spend at least 30 mins each day applying lotions.
  2. My nails, scalp, face, and neck are damaged by the chemo & related medications I spend 45 mins each evening cleansing, polishing, and nourishing.
  3. My teeth, mouth, and throat are damaged by chemo & radiation; I carefully and meticulously clean multiple times a day for about an hour each day.
  4. Daily I track my temperature, medication schedule, in & out fluids, aches & pains, amount of walking, amount of sleep, etc. I submit this information to my oncology nurses; this takes about an hour each day.
  5. My muscles & joints are sore, I spend about 3 hours a week self massaging and/or taking epsom salt baths.
You get the idea….None of this is fun in my head.
I got to thinking about this odd question again, several hours later, during my relaxing 5:30am epsom salt bath today.  (Chemo wrecks your sleep schedule!)
I thought to myself… I’m actually having some fun.  I have fun laughing with the nurses when I tell them about the interesting things that my body is doing.  I enjoy my morning chit-chat with the reception staff.  I enjoy snuggling with my cat during naps.  Not everything I do each day is horrible-horrible-horrible.  I make a point to celebrate each treatment completion week.  SW and I go out to dinner or get take out once a week.  I like social visits, from my friends, to talk about what is going on in their life.  I go out to social events when my energy allows.
This phase of my life is without a doubt the lowest point I’ve experienced.  I still CHOOSE to have fun while I am alive.  Life is really much more enjoyable that way.

About kimmywink

I'm Kim. I've got advanced lung cancer. It sucks.
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