A Boring Appointment

I welcome boring oncologist appointments.  (Sorry Dr C & Andi if you thought it was more than that.)

No scans to go over today.  The only business was some pharmacy housekeeping to get addressed before my prescription coverage gets tweaked in January.   Fingers are crossed that changing pharmacies and going to mail order does not cause me too much heart burn in the coming weeks.

I am still worn out after the day.  I think it is from the AM fasting before my labs are drawn.  Yet, it could be not giving myself the much needed 2-hour wake up period before leaving the house.  Or it’s the sitting and waiting.  One thing is for sure, I am certain it is not staying up past midnight rocking out to Gaelic Storm at the Aladdin Theater last night.

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Bag it up and Toss it out!

FullSizeRender-3Clusters of days have turned into weeks; I am still uneasy about so much.  I am a doubting woman as of late.  I ask myself why and I come up with no answer.

I prepared a well thought out speech and delivered it at Genentech earlier this month. I walked away unsure how it was received. Why?  How could I not tell if people liked it or not?  I’ve been told by many it was a job well done.  Why do I doubt myself? Why do I doubt the feedback?

I feel like I need constant reassurance.  What I am doing is right, right?  Yelling at the lazy contractor on the phone was not out of line, right?  Not trusting people that should not be trusted is the right way to go, right?  I know what the answers are.  Why don’t I trust myself?  Why am I being the version of myself who allows someone else to pick the Cranium answer when I’m fairly confident that they are wrong?  Ugh!  Just like then, I am annoyed at myself.  How do I stop this cycle?

I know I’m supposed to look at this as a way to grow and have a better understanding about myself. But I’d really rather find a way to crumble it all up and toss it in the recycle bin.  Move on and be my normal happy self!

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Do Not Do As I Do

If you see a person you know at a crematorium don’t get nervous and ask, “What are you doing here?”  Trust me….You will feel like an ass like I did.

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Earth to Kimmy… Earth to Kimmy… Come in Kimmy?

Yes, I am still here. Kind of in a barely sort of way, yet, kind of not. Lets just say the last few weeks have been filled with the polar opposites of one friend having a baby and another loosing his wife to cancer. True story, that was a hell of a few days!

I am feeling…well…sturdy. Between art projects, painting my nails, bubble baths, some Janet Evanovich awesomeness, walking, and venting to a few groups of friends (Thank you glass class, Jennifer and Alison!) I have found some clarity.

The timing could not be better as I fly to San Francisco tomorrow to speak at Genentech about what it is like living with lung cancer. It would not be very cool to show up and say something like, “Uh, cancer sucks, man…yup, it really sucks,” in my best Keaneu Reeves impersonation of his acting in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

Now, just to get through the complicated travel bag selection. Do I use light and easy to lug around bag or the bag that is sure to give me the “4-hours of shopping room” I might just need? Now that’s a no brainer!

Oh, speaking of no brainers….  CT and MRI results from 11/3 continue to be clear, I am still NMD (no measurable disease). I am fortunate.

 

 

 

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Beautiful Baldness

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Thank you loved ones for participating!

 

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Got Cap?

If you live in the Portland area and have not ordered your bald cap yet – no problemo.

Bald caps will be available to purchase at Greg’s Bold Bald Birthday Bash!

The Boldness takes place Saturday, October 11th from 6:00-8:00 at The Hop & Vine. Purchase a bald cap ($10 cash/check) to support LUNGevity.  Enjoy a tasty beverage while personalizing your cap.  Don’t forget to wish Greg a Happy Birthday!

How this came about…

Greg, Stephanie, and me at the beach

Greg, Stephanie, and me

My neighbor & friend, Greg, has shown interest in helping me plan a fundraiser for some time now. Honestly, I’ve been a tad reluctant.  I have visions of grandeur but know that my energy is not able to deliver that…just yet.  When I saw this already put-in-place fundraiser for all cancer types I was all in. Greg, being an awesome friend voluntarily decided to have his birthday also support the Be Bold, Be Bald event.  How cool is that?!

Greg and I have joined forces for team Bold Bald Birthday Bash.

Unable to make the gathering but want to support the cause?  You can make donations here.

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Be Bold With ME!

Days ago, while perusing through the cancer blog universe, I stumbled across an advertisement that caught my immediate attention.  Be Bold! Be Bald!  Wear a bald cap, decorated of course, and show your support for those fighting cancer.  I’m in!

2013-06-30 19.24.56The bigger question, who is in with me?  It takes a lot of gumption to commit to going bald for a day.  Yes, you will look a little funny wearing a bald cap.  Yes, strangers might confront you.  And YES, that is the point.

Voluntarily go bald for one day, Friday, October 17th.  To join me you can:

  1. Order your bald cap here.
  2. Sign up for your own account and beneficiary here.
  3. If you are already bald or really not up for the challenge you can show support by donating here.

The bald caps cost $10.  Standard 3-5 day shipping is free.

(If you are in Portland and interested in joining a cap decorating gathering, leave a comment or send me an email.)

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Feeling Beachy

IMG_0117-2Celebrated another wedding anniversary at the Oregon Coast a short time ago.  It was wonderful.  Really, wonderful.  Probably the best coast weather I have ever had in Oregon.

We stay at a lovely house in the small town of Manzanita.  The house is situated so that you feel like you are at a cabin in the woods.  Yet, a two block walk puts you on sand staring at the Pacific Ocean.

This trip we did not stray much from the town.  Visited my favorites like T-Spot and Big Wave Cafe.  We also added a new favorite for dinner, Blackbird.  The food and drinks were quite lovely.

I was able to get around pretty good thanks to the recent PR.  Still, the time away was focused on rest and relaxation not exerting myself.

Now at home the hustle and bustle of life is creeping in.  Thankfully I have learned how to schedule in the much needed down time.

 

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Physical Therapy for my Lungs

The Kim BC (before cancer) was quite the jock.  Hands down, that is the biggest change in my life from BC to AC (after cancer).  I know I will never be that old me; but the new me is starting to be a bit more active, which equals a happy Kim.

Switching to RO5424802 has been a bit of an adjustment.  I didn’t have side effects, then I did, now they seem to be leveled off again.  The lingering effect has been exhaustion.  Am I tired because of the drugs? Or used to being inactive for a few months?  Or because breathing is work?  Or is it simply because I am tired of being tired???

CameraBag_Photo_1000-19Well, I’m finally taking control of the parts I can control.  I started seeing a Pulmonary Rehabilitation (PR) Therapist.  It’s physical therapy for lungs.  I don’t sit around and practice breathing.  The visits are tailored to me and they kind of kick my butt. I spend my time on the treadmill then moving on to strength training exercises.  I love it.   It’s not at all what I expected; it’s like I have my own personal training coach!

I have learned through PR that my body, although it feels and sounds like hell, it is having a normal-healthy response to exercise.  This provides me with the comfort I need to put these exercises into practice at home.  I enjoy having physical activity back into my daily routine.  Being the kind of person who was mildly obsessed with exercise BC, I don’t see much of a problem sticking to this once my one-on-one sessions are over.  But, gosh, I will miss them!

 

 

 

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Play Day

photo 1-3SW and I have recently made some modifications to our life to make things easier. One in particular is a trailer for our kayaks.  It is awesome!

No more SW hoisting the boats on top of our already tall truck.  No more of me standing and watching because I’m too short to help in any capacity.  Now it is a simple, back-in, connect, and be on our way.

The first weekend, after all the insurance documents were completed, we went out on a nice 6-hour day trip. We headed to Trillium Lake on the southeast side of Mt. Hood National Forrest to kayak the lake. Ended up adding on a flat 2-mile hike around the lake. As we headed West towards home we stopped by a Huckleberry Festival and a feed store to look at baby chicks and bunnies.  The day was great.  It was so nice to be the Kim I want to be.

 

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